Oh where, Oh where... Has my confidence gone...

Today I sit... scared to tell the guy I have loved since 2000... that I still have feelings for him. He's so amazing... his scent entrances me... his eyes so beautiful... his locs so awesome... his mind so brilliant....

and I too scared to say a word... why?

years of let downs, hear aches and breaks and constant No's.... have wrecked me. If they don't set eyes in my direction... I am not saying anything. I just don't know how to handle the pain of being letdown again. I start to question myself... wonder if it is me? I just don't know...

my mind is so hazy right now I am not even formating this blog correctly... oh well...

Why things bite for some and not for others

Today I realized I lost one of my most prized possessions.... my Nintendo DSi.... not only that but the case it was in had 3 games in it and there was one in the system itself and a 1 gb SD card.

someone asked me why was I sad about it. Well why wouldn't I be? The games cost at the least 19.99 plus tax they system was 169.99 plus tax the case was 19.99 plus tax and the system had pics on it I can't get back and downloaded content as well.

It bites for me because not only did i lose a source of entertainment, but it was worth alot to me. I purchased it with my money. I can't just go out and replace everything like some people can... not right now... I don't have a job. It wasn't careless, it was an honest mistake. Now I have to pay for it.. with empty pockets.

So I began to think, why do somethings bite for some people and not for others? It's because everyone is different. Some don't care about games and so losing a system would not matter to them. Some don't care about losing money so they can just purchase another. For many people being single bites, because they don't like to be alone or whatever the reason may be... that may not bite for others... so Don't look at people crazy when they say they are upset about something that you think does not matter... even if it is something like oh i got a hang nail on my longest nail and now I have to cut it off... that nail may have had some value to them....lol

Now back to my sulking because I have to start all over again... this reminds me of the time someone gave my PS2 and alot of my games away.... I still have not replaced all of my things.... and not going to mention my stolen ipod nano....

The cowardly Lion

...I'm a leo.. That's my star sign.. So that makes me a "Lioness" yet a cowardly one. The only lion that held this title was the fictional one from the classic and iconic movie, "The Wizard of Oz". The whole movie he thought he didn't have courage, The wizard handed him a medal, kind of like the ones they give military personnel for achievements and such, and he thought he had courage.

In the movie Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Harry is given Felix Feleces ( I may have spelled the latter part wrong). It was liquid luck....

I wondered if luck and courage went hand in hand.... If i could get liquid luck and a medal... I too could have courage, and I would step out and do so many things. Sadly that does not work that way. So my feelings I confess theough black and white keys to an lcd screen, instead of the sharp brown eyes that belong to the loc'ed angel....... beautifully crafted words fall on to deaf ears as my poetry echoes around the empty apartment, instead of on the ears of the waiting masses... or the poetry classes or even the listening ears of who the words are ment for.

The cowardly lioness... left to confess to blue lines and red margins limited with space with words presenting limitless possibilities... and I am too cowardly to do so.

2010... Aim is to not be the cowardly Lioness... to step my confidence up. I have alot of great things going.. and to scared to fly.. perhaps because lions don't have wings...

But physical wings won't take me to where I need to go.... mentally I will spread them and soar... Physically I will let out a roar and become the Queen of this jungle... out on top... why? Because that's how a lion is supposed to rock...