Oh where, Oh where... Has my confidence gone...

Today I sit... scared to tell the guy I have loved since 2000... that I still have feelings for him. He's so amazing... his scent entrances me... his eyes so beautiful... his locs so awesome... his mind so brilliant....

and I too scared to say a word... why?

years of let downs, hear aches and breaks and constant No's.... have wrecked me. If they don't set eyes in my direction... I am not saying anything. I just don't know how to handle the pain of being letdown again. I start to question myself... wonder if it is me? I just don't know...

my mind is so hazy right now I am not even formating this blog correctly... oh well...