Jack of all trades but master of none

I finally understand this statement…. I am a “Jack” of many creative things. I know how to paint and decorate many different crafty things from fabric to wood to clay pots…. I dream it and I paint it. I have painted frames, mirrors, and letters. I have made beads for locs, and bracelets and necklaces. I have drawn pictures, made desktop wallpaper on photoshop, poked fun a J-Stank Marching band with photoshop, created banners, logos, flyers, business cards… and more. I have written many poems, started on novels, have several short stories, created random small inventions, built things with legos and k’nex…. I can think of everyday items to use to fix things or use for other things…

Yet through all of this I have not mastered any of it. I only dabble in all of it….attaining the rank of novice, beginner and perhaps intermediate. Why? I realized that I love all of the things… but not enough to devote all my time to it. I thought I love writing enough that I dedicated my college career to it. I obtained my degree in English (It may as well been English Lit. Because that was our main focus at SU in the English Department… not much on the techniques and mechanics of it all). I still love writing my degree has not changed or added to that… I now know what my passion is and has lied for so long. A passion that I ignored and pushed off in order to do something else… what was that something else I do not know.

Rewind……

I remember my first time cooking. I was 8 and hungry. I was over my Aunts house. I asked her if she could make me some pancakes, bacon and eggs… her response… “Don’t you know how to read?” I said yes… she proceeded to tell me to cook it myself. I do say it came out well… so well she was like can I have a plate. I told her to fix it herself. I got in trouble for being a smart mouth but from then on I was in love with cooking… I began to cook whenever I had the chance. In high school I mixed spices and herbs trying to make the perfect blends. I became “famous” to some of my friends for the lemon pepper chicken and shish kabobs I made. One field trip took me and my classmates to a Vocational center. The kitchens for the culinary department were amazing! The stainless steel, the chopping blocks, the brilliant flame of the gas ranges… I was hooked.

Sadly, I could not go to vo-tech because of scheduling conflicts… I resorted to watching iron chef on late nights… I still experimented in the kitchen. In College, food network became my best friend… watching yet studying English. I graduated… and still longed to be in the kitchen. I chose my Chef Idol, Morimoto. I picked cuisines… Japanese, African and Italian… I dreamed of fusion dishes and I looked for work in my degree area….

It’s 2010, I don’t have a job in my field… I have been looking. I have had to return home. … to 2 year old Culinary school about 15 minutes from where I live… to me being in the kitchen more… to me discovering where my true passion lies. I will forever do my creative things.. But this is the most creative thing that I am willing and ready to dive into and learn about, practice and perfect. I have goals I wish to obtain in the culinary arena. C3’s my restaurant (Cool Culinary Cuisine), Going on Iron Chef America or Chopped or some Food Network Show… maybe even throwing down with Bobby Flay, meeting Morimoto…being a breakout new chef in Food and Wine Mag. Even if I can’t attain C3’s… if I can cook under any of The World’s great Chef’s…. I’m ready…. And I believe God is putting me in position to go forth… Allez Cuisine!

The Lion's roar....

So 2010... this year I turn 27... I am one year away from my High School Reunion... I am not hte same person I was a decade ago... aside from being 10 years older... I am many more years wiser.

It's time out for doing what others think I should do... I am going to do for myself.

This year I am setting out to follow my dreams past the horizon and beyond my reach. I am going to read up even more on culinary arts, so If I can not by some strange reason start school in the first quarter of this year when I do get to go I will already have a novice skill.

I am going to step my healthy eating up another notch. I can't snatch all the goodies away at once but I sure can stay away from certain items...HFC is definitely on the list!!! Going for the fried foods next... I don't eat them much already since I am kinda scared to cook them on my own... lol. I will do it in school they have deep fryers... :)

I am going to drop 10-20 lbs and keep it off.... my goal is 10... and if i don't like how the 10 look gone I plan on keeping going until I achieve the look I want... No crazy diets... just eating better and exercise via DDR, the body ball and the apartment complex exercise room... No fancy pants gym for me.... Oh yeah I am going to swim when I can too... I love swimming!

I am getting contacts... not cause people say I look better w/o my glasses... it's because glasses confine me. There are activities that get annoying when I have my glasses on.

I have dumped my college wardrobe... I am dressing the part of a 26 year old.... Its great!!!!

I am getting back into my creative activities.... I can't wait to showcase my work on Facebook!

I could care less about what people think, I am here for Myself and God. If you are not with me then you are a naysayer and I don't care... You will be dealt with. I KNOW there are great things in store for me not just in 2010 but in my lifetime and beyond. Talk about me if you want to... play with me if you want to.... but please don't try and jump on and be friendly when I'm up on the top... I will look at you and say "God Bless" and keep rolling....I am a Leo... hear my roar! It begins here and ends beyond the galaxy ... try and stop me... I dare you!

Oh where, Oh where... Has my confidence gone...

Today I sit... scared to tell the guy I have loved since 2000... that I still have feelings for him. He's so amazing... his scent entrances me... his eyes so beautiful... his locs so awesome... his mind so brilliant....

and I too scared to say a word... why?

years of let downs, hear aches and breaks and constant No's.... have wrecked me. If they don't set eyes in my direction... I am not saying anything. I just don't know how to handle the pain of being letdown again. I start to question myself... wonder if it is me? I just don't know...

my mind is so hazy right now I am not even formating this blog correctly... oh well...

Why things bite for some and not for others

Today I realized I lost one of my most prized possessions.... my Nintendo DSi.... not only that but the case it was in had 3 games in it and there was one in the system itself and a 1 gb SD card.

someone asked me why was I sad about it. Well why wouldn't I be? The games cost at the least 19.99 plus tax they system was 169.99 plus tax the case was 19.99 plus tax and the system had pics on it I can't get back and downloaded content as well.

It bites for me because not only did i lose a source of entertainment, but it was worth alot to me. I purchased it with my money. I can't just go out and replace everything like some people can... not right now... I don't have a job. It wasn't careless, it was an honest mistake. Now I have to pay for it.. with empty pockets.

So I began to think, why do somethings bite for some people and not for others? It's because everyone is different. Some don't care about games and so losing a system would not matter to them. Some don't care about losing money so they can just purchase another. For many people being single bites, because they don't like to be alone or whatever the reason may be... that may not bite for others... so Don't look at people crazy when they say they are upset about something that you think does not matter... even if it is something like oh i got a hang nail on my longest nail and now I have to cut it off... that nail may have had some value to them....lol

Now back to my sulking because I have to start all over again... this reminds me of the time someone gave my PS2 and alot of my games away.... I still have not replaced all of my things.... and not going to mention my stolen ipod nano....

The cowardly Lion

...I'm a leo.. That's my star sign.. So that makes me a "Lioness" yet a cowardly one. The only lion that held this title was the fictional one from the classic and iconic movie, "The Wizard of Oz". The whole movie he thought he didn't have courage, The wizard handed him a medal, kind of like the ones they give military personnel for achievements and such, and he thought he had courage.

In the movie Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Harry is given Felix Feleces ( I may have spelled the latter part wrong). It was liquid luck....

I wondered if luck and courage went hand in hand.... If i could get liquid luck and a medal... I too could have courage, and I would step out and do so many things. Sadly that does not work that way. So my feelings I confess theough black and white keys to an lcd screen, instead of the sharp brown eyes that belong to the loc'ed angel....... beautifully crafted words fall on to deaf ears as my poetry echoes around the empty apartment, instead of on the ears of the waiting masses... or the poetry classes or even the listening ears of who the words are ment for.

The cowardly lioness... left to confess to blue lines and red margins limited with space with words presenting limitless possibilities... and I am too cowardly to do so.

2010... Aim is to not be the cowardly Lioness... to step my confidence up. I have alot of great things going.. and to scared to fly.. perhaps because lions don't have wings...

But physical wings won't take me to where I need to go.... mentally I will spread them and soar... Physically I will let out a roar and become the Queen of this jungle... out on top... why? Because that's how a lion is supposed to rock...

Too much to think.. so little time

Have you ever thought that you had too many thoughts on your mind to think about and not enough time to think them? Like when one thought ends another suddenly begins until they all just end up like a gumbo of thoughts in you mind.. sucking you down into a swampy bog of madness?

How do you sort it all out?

Write! keep a blog, a sketch pad for middle of the night thoughts, record a journal, rant on Facebook and Myspace... something... anything to keep yourself from going insane.

That's what I do... It keeps my mind in order... so this is some of my thoughts... whatever i choose to reveal... because the internet is open and whatever posted can be seen by any and everyone important or not so..... so this will be whatever I deem necessary.. or unnecessary but can bring no harm to my character.... those things...... keep in your own private musings....

Sankofa....

Always remember... Know Thyself.